Ryan Byrne is a writer, director, editor, and sometimes performer based out of Edmonton Alberta. He's the co-writer/director of award-winning web series "The People That Touch Your Food" and can be heard on the "Robocop vs. The Nazis" podcast. He doesn't know how to design a website, so he has a tumblr.
I don’t use PornHub because it doesn’t have a section for women slowly mixing cupcake batter in their underwear. I mean the batter is in the underwear, the women are dressed like chefs. Obviously.
Remember nominations for this award are out so if you enjoy my videos (Ryan Byrne and his Productions, The People That Touch Your Food) or the things I say on twitter go ahead and nominate me. As I don’t make much money from this, tiny accolades are all I have to hope for.
Oh and the love and respect of my friends and family. But who needs that when there are medals to be hoped for? (and ultimately lost, because let’s face it I’m not that talented).
So I was in Vancouver recently and I came up with a new opening joke for when I am in other cities. I say “I’m from Edmonton, which comes from Cree meaning ‘Sucks-at-Hockey’”. I’m not sure if this joke is hacky or just racist.
And what’s worse, I don’t know which would be worse. To have people say “He’s brilliant comedically, it’s a shame that he’s a racist.” or to have people say “He’s a hack, but at least he doesn’t dehumanize other cultures into cartoon cliches.”
I’m just kidding, I know being a racist would be worse, Especially since there is no such thing as a comedically brilliant racist, despite what Jeff Dunham fans would tell you.
Documentary Idea: “Trans Farmers: Focusing on lives of transgender people who are also farmers in the midwest US.”
Release it one week before Transformers IV to:
1. Make a huge profit,
2. Educate youth on transgender issues, and
3. Make transphobic douchebros very uncomfortable as they wonder where the robot cars are.
I was going to make a joke about getting the Anti-Life equation for Christmas, but realized that not everyone spent their holidays drinking alone in their parents darkened basement watching Justice League Unlimited because they don’t have the courage to confront their Uncle Ron about the naked tickle fights he used to force you into when you were 11 and just on the cusp of blossoming into manhood.
"My grand pappy always said there were three things you could always judge a man on: the firmness of his handshake, the crispness of his Sunday suit, and the smoothness of his taint.
A lot of folks say that in today’s world of electronic mail, sexual harassment lawsuits, and xeroxes that a man’s taint just don’t matter anymore.
Here at Nelson’s Old Fashioned Taint Cream, well we’ll agree to disagree. We use only the finest sandalwood and aloe vera to produce a taint cream that tells the world you’re a man of character.
There are some things that always remain in style: integrity, class, and a smooth velvety taint. That’s the world our forefather’s built and it’s the world Nelson’s Old Fashioned Taint Cream maintains every day”
- A sketch I would totally produce if I could get Sam Elliot to narrate.
Alex is going out of town for Christmas and you know what they say: When the cat’s away, the mice will play… with themselves. To keep the loneliness away, because things might get dark and weird.