Ryan Byrne is a writer, director, editor, and sometimes performer based out of Edmonton Alberta. He's the co-writer/director of award-winning web series "The People That Touch Your Food" and can be heard on the "Robocop vs. The Nazis" podcast. He doesn't know how to design a website, so he has a tumblr.
There was a guy at the theatre in a TNG command uniform with captain pips with a smug ass look on his face. I bet if I reminded him that this was the wrong time and universe for that he would have looked appropriately embarrassed.
Craigslist Missed Connection: I saw you at the grocery store and briefly forgot that life was a meaningless charade & I am only going through the motions of living. An actor in a play he no longer cares about and performs through rote memory.
Hit me up if you wanna fuck.
Summer is finally here in Edmonton (unless it snows again) which means we now have 16 hours of sunlight a day. I wear glasses and a couple of years ago, when I had eyecare, I got a pair of prescription sunglasses. Now when I am driving home and stop at a liquor store or to buy nachos, basically the only things I live on, I face a giant dilemma.
I know it’s douchey to wear sunglasses inside but I need them to see. Like I know wearing glasses inside means you don’t consider gay people “people” and consent is “gray area”. I know this and I already drive a white jeep so I’m fighting uphill on this image battle. And not just how other people perceive me, but how asshole I perceive myself. Sometimes I ponder taking off the glasses as I enter the store to find myself squinting at labels, other times I think I should leave them on and feel the shame stares of everyone in the store as I buy my case of beer - and the very act of wearing these glasses inside will turn me towards the bud light section.
I literally spend minutes on this decision every day, self flagellating like it matters, before realizing my regular glasses are sitting on the seat right next to me. And I am too lazy to actually change glasses and rarely do.
This is a microcosm of North American society as a whole. The unique Venn diagram of laziness, image, and opportunity to make this a real problem.
Controversial Joke: McMurray elects conservatives, who don’t believe in government spending then complain that their highway is in bad shape
Usually being in a relationship makes you lazy, but mine encourages me to exercise. I am dating a ham on a stick attached to my treadmill.
I was in Texas, I had a sandwich with 3 kinds of pig on it and I was like “Woo, America!” Then I saw people smoking in bars and I was like “Woo, America?”, then I saw a Fox News Store and I was all “Oh… America”
Then I remembered that Canada was also in America and went back for my free healthcare.